Archive for December, 2011


I spent most of last night cycling between consciousness and unconsciousness. I was unable to sleep decently, because our inspector was expected to come today. Yes, today, Christmas Eve; this douche has done it before.
In the midst of all my troubles with fatigue and rest, I had a dream, a dream that gives me a justification to what I’ve dedicated my life to these last 10 years. In my dream, I had a house. My house. The feeling was superb. I was married, and the immediate family was visiting.
After the family left, I had the misses. She was all mine, to have and hold, all for me without discontent or life issue. It was beautiful.
I spend far too much time gazing into the past to find my answers. Hollywood could be right that the present is all that matters, but I don’t buy it. That dream showed me potential, and potential doesn’t come from the present; it’s a gift that keeps on giving if the proper investment is made.
I’ve always known what I’ve wanted. This dream, a projection of my subconscious, shows me that I’m going I’m the proper direction. The time for the present is in the future, and we well enjoy it then, Lady, as we work now to gain that ability to enjoy our lives fully and freely into our old age. Unfortunately, our dreams are nothing but that. Our dreams are not false, but rather the potential we hold in each other. I want that house off the beaten path where ideas flourish and minds wander, so we can mingle with the stars as we make our way to the life we want to live.



I need a venue. Preferably a positive one. It doesn’t have to be elongated or even substantial, but it would be nice if it was reoccurring. I need a positive influence, mostly for my well-being.
I have things. Things that I love. have a muse who I love. Contrarily, I have nothing to site for any of these aspects. I have three more semesters of this rubbish location and I’m high-tailing straight to the nearest friendly venue to start my life.
My problems aren’t major, or,  hell, even a big deal. I see friends with larger issues daily. But my friends seem so far away. A natural side effect of growing up, this is, I’m sure. On top of that, my problems are minute and nagging, like a hamster constantly untying my shoes and the hamster is immune to punting. So, complaining about my issues increases my self-loathing, because I complain about little things that don’t matter in any sort of grand scheme while others have “grown-up” issues in their “grown-up” lives. I constantly corrode at my core with cynic and pessimistic thoughts of predestined turmoil and bad karma, and it’s both ridiculous and incomprehensible. I need a venue, for my own sanity.
Indeed, I can write for many reasons and many causes, but excuses have a strong hold on me. I could probably blame my upbringing, since I had to fend for myself in most personal cases. Which is fine, since my psyche is strong, but it doesn’t allow me much room for error or personal empathy. I need a venue.
Without a doubt, my life is simple. But I am a person that can deal with big problems and not small ones. I need a physical reason presently to thwart my harsh standards and strengthen my integrity. I’ve become attached to SMSU in a very surprising way. It’s not like the city of Marshall. Maybe, reader, I should spend more time on my goals than thinking about it.

Persistent and Broke

During lunch this afternoon, a lady well dressed in quite fancy clothes, walked in and ordered two meals. Upon trying to pay, her three credit cards were declined.
She wanted to split the cost between two cards after that, which also didn’t work, after which she looked up at me as asked, “now what do I do?” What do I say to something like that? It’s clear that personal standards are undisciplined and beyond her financial output. How terrible and dire her straits must be to ask a complete stranger how to handle her sudden and, as it seemed, unexpected money problems. Her first fix may be to eat at home, perhaps?
What about her outfit? Over six accessories were endowed on her person, all of which had a falsified exquisense. Is debt worth the contradictory viewpoint of a worker from a sandwich shop to go into debt to look as fake as one’s accessories? Her self-esteem needs some work, and, I can only assume, her friends and family need to be much more appreciative and supportive.
I hope, to whoever is reading, that you hold yourself in a proud esteem that knows that limits don’t mean weakness.

Tech Support

For the past week, I have spent nearly 6 hours on my phone speaking with Alienware tech support about the problems that I’ve been having with my laptop. These problems have been disgusting, ranging from locked Windows startup to the BSOD that doesn’t have an error code. And tech support hasn’t had an answer for me outside of “try this other way to reinstall Windows.”
I resorted to Google, the greatest show on the super highway. What I found came from a Frenchman with the same problems with the same model of laptop as I have, in regards to both counts. Apparently, the Windows 7 disc that is provided with my Alienware laptop doesn’t include the proper BIOS file, but all I have to do to make the installation work is to apply the driver as I start the installation. I mentioned the process to my tech support representative, and she declared the process as not correct. When I asked her reasoning, and why the process was bad, she simply said,”The installation shouldn’t be failing, and it should be working.”
Indeed, trial and error is required for this sort of ordeal, but I found a working make for my laptop that has been attested by other users. I also mentioned the BIOS debacle to the rep, to which she replied, “Your model of computer isn’t knoen for BIOS problems. It’s known more for hard drive problems.” This entire ordeal has been one big work around, and my patience has been wearing thin.
Anyway, the reason I sought help was to see if I could find a quick and permanent fix to my computr problems so I could return to my freelance writing job and also complete the rest of this semester without having to bend over backwards at the school in order to jump through hoops to hav an opportunity that I can’t access because of work. So, I’m going to tell the rep when she calls back tomorrow that it is not having the problems it had been having and that this functioning install is working much better than it ever had. Which is entirely true, in regards to the testing I have already run. My laptop hasn’t locked up since this install took, and I have restarted this thing at leat 15 times this evening installing drivers; according to the rep, the machine is sensitive and needs to be restarted after every install. Since it’s working, I’ll take it. I even followed a driver install order list that she provided. So, it wasn’t all bad. And the rep was even very nice to deal with when the process was occuring. Unfortunately, I don’t know exactly where my laptop is right now, in terms of full functionality. But, I only need so much for the next week, and then I can baby sit the hell out of this thing.